Two office workers who know but dislike each other are trapped in a lift with a sales rep they’ve never met before, but whom they are both immediately attracted to. Help is on the way.
[Viridiana and Charles step into the lift at the sixteenth floor, going down.]
Viridiana: Hello.
Charles: Morning.
[Silence.]
[The lift stops at the fourteenth floor, Jeremy steps in.]
Jeremy: G’day.
Charles: Good morning. You new here?
Jeremy: Yeah, just started last Monday, in the sales department. Name’s Jeremy. Anderson.
Viridiana: Pleased to meet you, Mr Anderson, and –
Jeremy: Please, call me Jeremy.
Viridiana: – and welcome, Jeremy. I’m Viridiana Clarke, from Management, and you may call me Vee.
Jeremy: And miss out on saying your lovely name? Viridiana, it really goes with your eyes.
Viridiana: Oh, you are quite a charmer, aren’t you?
Charles: So, Jeremy, you sound like you’re from Down Under?
Jeremy: Yeah, I grew up there, though my mum’s from Staffordshire originally. I moved from Canberra to Hammersmith about four years ago, and I’ve never looked back. Although the accent is still hanging on.
Charles: Well that’s –
Viridiana: I have to say, I’ve always loved the Australian accent, it just sounds so, I don’t know, relaxed, and joyful. It really goes with the outdoor lifestyle, the surfing and the barbies and all that.
Jeremy: True, although to be honest I was never much for –
[The lift stops, between the third and fourth floor. The lights go out, except a small, green emergency lamp.]
Charles: Well I say!
Jeremy: Blackout?
Viridiana: No, this happened last week too, up at seventeenth. You’d think it wouldn’t happen in a brand new building like this, and the maintenance boys said it was just a minor glitch that they’d soon fixed, but look! It’s happened again!
Charles: Calm down, Miss Clarke. They’ll have us out in a jiffy.
Viridiana: Don’t you try to calm me, Charlie Jones! Remember who’s the boss here!
Jeremy: He has a point, Miss Clarke. We’ll probably be moving again any minute now, there’s no need to get all worked up.
Viridiana: All right, all right, I’m calm. Calm as the sea –
[Clanking noises from under the lift, where Maintenance has opened the doors.]
Maintenance guy: You all right in there?
Viridiana: NO! We’d like to get out, now.
Maintenance guy: Well, you’ll have to wait a bit, we can’t move the lift till we’ve changed the flywheel that’s gone pear shaped. Shouldn’t take too long, ten minutes, fifteen at most.
Charles: Then hop to it, man! I’ve got a very important meeting in twenty!
Viridiana: And I’m having lunch with the CEO of Panac Industries!
Jeremy: And I promised I’d call my mum and tell her how things were going!
Maintenance guy: …Really?
Jeremy: Yes!
Maintenance guy: All right, we’ll get you out. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back.
Charles: [mutters] Har, har, har. Funny bugger, aren’t you?
Viridiana: Oh do be quiet, Charlie. I feel a migraine coming on.
Charles: Oooh, sorry Miss Clarke, of course everything is about you, isn’t it?
Jeremy: Mr Jones –
Viridiana: Watch your tone, man!
Jeremy: Miss Clarke –
Charles: Me? Have you heard yourself, you high-pitched harridan –
Jeremy: ENOUGH!
[Silence.]
Jeremy: I’m sorry, I know it’s not fun to be stuck in a lift at the best of times, but… For everybody’s sake, can’t we all just be quiet until we get out of here, and then never speak of this again?
Viridiana: Very well, we’re civilised people, we should be able to manage that. Though I have to say it’s a good thing this happened today, as Charlie here is usually the most loquacious person in the building.
Charles: [mutters to himself] Try being witty when you’re stuck between a harpy and a bloke you fancy the pants off of… Er.
[Silence.]
[The lift starts moving, stops, and the doors open. Charles, Viridiana, and Jeremy exit, going their separate ways, all very thoughtful.]
-------
[Two twenty-something women, Mary-Lou and Alex, meet in a small record store. Mary-Lou works there, Alex is a customer.]
Alex: Er, excuse me?
Mary-Lou: Yes, can I help you?
Alex: Uh, I’m looking for a cd by Blaqk Audio…?
Mary-Lou: You mean CexCells? It’s over here.
Alex: On the Electro shelf, of course! I walked right by it and didn’t see it.
Mary-Lou: Yeah, it is tucked away a bit, but we don’t really have the space to arrange the shelves in any other way.
Alex: I can see that. I’m amazed you got all of this in in the first place.
Mary-Lou: That was an adventure, I tells ya. Me and Dan, who owns the place, spent two days unscrewing everything in the old store, moved it here, and then three days putting it back together. And it’s not IKEA stuff, so it’s not exactly made to come apart.
Alex: Augh, don’t talk to me about IKEA! I just got my own flat – finally! – and mum insisted on getting me a load of flat-packed crap; "until you earn enough to get proper things".
Mary-Lou: My dad’s like that, too. "What’s wrong with second-hand?" I ask, but nooo, everything has to be brand new, regardless of price and quality, or I’ll end up with a flat full of bed bugs, apparently. Good thing I can just say my boyfriend bought it, if I find some cool old thing, or I’d have the most boring flat in Camden.
Alex: Ah, Camden. I envy you now, I’ve always wanted to live there.
Mary-Lou: You’d fit right in if you listen to electro.
Alex: Er, well, I don’t, really. It’s mostly California punk for me, like AFI, Rancid, Tiger Army, Offspring… That lot.
Mary-Lou: Good stuff.
Alex: Yeah. ‘tis. Anyway, I just checked Blaqk Audio out ‘cause it’s by Davey and Jade from AFI, and I loved it right away.
Mary-Lou: It is awesome, yeah. Very full and vivid soundscapes, like, it doesn’t matter how many times you listen to the songs, you’ll keep hearing new sounds, new beats. And you know, I never realised screechy little Davey Havok had so many different voices.
Alex: Guh, tell me about it! Especially in Cities Of Night, it’s like velvet and honey and dark chocolate and nngh!
Mary-Lou: The analogy I keep coming back to is Noel Fielding, being serious. Or possibly after singing lessons.
Alex: Oh that’s perfect! And now I want Blaqk Audio to show up on the Mighty Boosh. They need to.
Mary-Lou: I wonder is Fielding’s heard of them… I see him sashaying around Camden from time to time, maybe I should stick CexCells in his hand next time I spot him.
Alex: Do iiit! And give him a snog from me while you’re at it.
Mary-Lou: Only if you promise to bail me out when I’ve been arrested for sexual harassment!
Alex: Deal! By the way, do you have Facebook or something? I’m planning a Great Big Mighty Boosh Party with some mates, and, you know, the more the merrier.
Mary-Lou: No Facebook, no, but Twitter, and you can have my email address too. I’ve never been to a Boosh-related party that didn’t rock, so I’d love to come.
Alex: All right then! I’m Alex, by the way. Alexandra Pagani.
Mary-Lou: Mary-Lou Reventon, at your service.
Alex: Uh, oh yeah, I almost forgot I was buying the cd.
Mary-Lou: Heh. That’s four ponds fifty for that, and here’s my email.
Alex: Right, I’ll get back to you as soon as I know where and when the party’s going to be, next Saturday is the best bet right now.
Mary-Lou: Can I bring the boy?
Alex: Sure!
Mary-Lou: All right then, I’ll see you when I see you.
Alex: Cheers!
-------
"Kim?"
"Mmm?"
"What... what happened last night?"
"...What?"
"I mean, er, did we really...?"
"Make love?"
"...Er, yes?""Quite certainly."
"Oh."
"You hadn't forgotten, had you? I don't recall you drinking all that much."
"No, I just... it's kinda hard to believe it actually happened, is all."
"Yeah..."
"So..."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I'm pretty sure you know I did."
"I'm pretty sure everyone within a five mile radius knows you did, considering the noise you were making."
"Heh, yeah, sorry."
"Don't be. I liked that."
"...Really?"
"Yes."
"...Huh."
"So... What now?"
"I don't know. I wasn't really expecting this to happen."
"Neither was I."
"Do you regret it?"
"I wouldn't undo it for all the best tea in the world."
"Told you I was good."
"Smug twit."
"You're only saying that 'cos I'm right."
"Yes, yes, all right. ...Do you regret it?"
"...No. It was new and unexpected and I've no idea where we're gonna go from here, but... no. I have no regrets about sleeping with you."
"Good."
"We should do it again some time."
"You really think that's a good idea?"
"Sounds like an excellent idea to me."
"Uh-huh, and what about when people inevitably find out about it? What about when Sam finds out?"
"You know, considering last night, I'm not too fussed about who knows or not, as long as I get to have you doing that thing you did with your tongue again."
"And Sam?"
"We'll tell him, right away. Invite him to join us if he gets upset."
"...Okay you did not just say that."
"What, you need a cup of tea before you can handle the vision of Sam in -"
"Shut up! I don't need a cup of tea, I need a bloody flooded tea plantation! And a few litres of chlorine. And stop giggling, you sound like a girl."
"And you like me to take you like a man, don't you?"
"As evidenced by last night..."
"Roawr! I could do you right now, you know."
"Don't. We'll be late."
"Oh yeah, lecture."
"Always bloody lectures."
"Okay, let's get up then."
"Yeah. ...Robin?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you happy?"
"Very happy, Kim. Very happy. And you?"
"Elated. Jubilant. Gleeful. Way happier than waking up next to you should make me, but there you go."
"Told you I was good."
"Arse."
Hi! Malin here, a classmate, feedback rounds and here I go! :)
SvaraRaderaO loke the way your dialogues are relaxed in a way, they don't seem stressed like your trying hard. They just have a natural flow and I think your good use of the English language helps in making me feel that way. I also enjoy your characters, without saying or doing anything special they're very likeable. I felt like I was waiting for something "big" to happen sometimes though, and it never came. Maybe som stress in the perfect flow could be good, dynamics. Although I like the fact that theres not very much fuss in your dialogues, like they were picked out of real life without adding very much. I'm a bit torn in that, more fuss or no fuss, I don't know. Maybe we could boty think about it.
I have to give your last dialogue a guess but you make it hard using androgynes names lika Kim, Sam and Robyn. Anyway there's to people just waking up, they know each other, and they realize that they had sex the night before. This was unexpected but good, the problem is there's a third person involved, I think a partner of some kind, whom they both know as well. Or maybe it could be the three of them are friends and now two of the friends had sex and don't know how to handle the third friend. There are one suggestion though, haha. Now I'm done guessing, I can't pinpoint my final guess so I'll leave it at that.
Thank you for the good evening reading!
Malin
Hi!
SvaraRadera#1: About the first dialogue, I got somewhat confused around this section;
"Charles: Good morning. You new here?
Jeremy: Yeah, just started last Monday, in the sales department. Name’s Jeremy. Anderson.
Viridiana: Pleased to meet you, Mr Anderson, and –
Jeremy: Please, call me Jeremy."
Either you've just written the same name twice, or I'm just not reading it wright. I had to read it a couple of times before I moved on though.
I like how they, at the end, just walks different ways instead of acting like everything is going back to normal after the incident. Apparently, it's not.
#2: Liked it! It feels like a conversation that might actually take place (did it happen to you?). Fascinating how they find each other and become friends. Perhaps it'll be a long lasting friendship?
#3: Epic scene. It wasn't meant to, or was it? Where do we go from here? So many ways to continue this, and from the looks of it - it might even become a love triangle! I think you've captured the somewhat stiff, somewhat whitty dialogue that is so typical with that type of scene. Nicely done!
(Overdue and thus bang to feedback rights, but filled with nuggets of all sorts for the occasional passer-by, not least in your intricately layered and wonderfully quirky opening act - keep them coming!)
SvaraRadera